10 Lessons about How to Win Friends and Influence People (Part 1 of 2)

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Every single lesson you are about to read I have taken out of the must-read book How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

These are not mind-blowing techniques about manipulating people or how to act like someone you are not but rather more natural behaviors of well-behaved men and women.

Many of us apply those rules every day without noticing it while others forget the basics of communication.

By following and using those lessons you will for 100% improve your life in many aspects- with friends, family, co-workers, and relationship with your loved one.

1.   Never criticize condemn or complain.

A critic is worthless because it puts the criticized person in defense mode and he starts to defend himself and justify his actions.

It hurts his pride and offends his self-esteem.

The scientist B.F. Skinner has found out that an animal learns way faster by getting a reward for good behavior instead of punishment for bad behavior.

It is the same with humans.

By dealing with humans we shall not forget that we are beings full of feelings, prejudices, and pride.

Never say anything bad about anyone, only say the good things you know about them.

2.   Give honest and sincere appreciation.

The only way to get someone to do something (except holding a gun in his face) is that he wants to do this.

There is no other way to make a person do what we want than to give him what he wants.

But what is it that he wants?

The strongest instinct in the nature of human is the wish to be significant, to be important.

How do we make a person feel significant?

By giving him honest appreciation.

Intelligent people will notice false flattery.

Give them a truthfulness compliment even if its only something little which you have just noticed and you will make their day better.

I noticed my self often that this can turn a dragon into a little mouse.

Remember that every person with whom you deal is superior in some aspect and you can learn something from him.

3.   Arouse in the other person an eager want.

If you go to the lake fishing, you will be far more successful by using a worm as a fishing bait than pizza or something else that you like to eat.

Why not use this ’’tactic’’ when trying to fish people?

We are all only interested in ourselves and no one else cares about our concerns.

That’s why the only way to influence other people is to talk with them about what they want and show them how to get it.

If you can only take one lesson away from this post, it is to see the things from the other person’s point of view.

For example: if you want to go out and play football with some people but don’t have anyone to play with and ask your friends:,, Hey guys lets go to the park to play football because I don’t want to play alone’’- they probably won’t come to join you.

Instead tell them how healthy, how much fun it is and that it would be something new to clear their mind.

Make them want to do it.

4.   Become genuinely interested in other people.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Guess what’s the most said word in a telephone conversation? It is the word “I”.

“I”,“I”,“I”.

If you are in a group picture, who is the person you try to find first?

The psychotherapist Alfred Adler said “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others.”

If you want to become a writer but don’t like people, the readers probably won’t like your stories as well.

It doesn’t matter what you want to become: a stand-up comedian, singer or actor.

If you don’t like your audience they will notice it and you won’t be successful.

Even some of the busiest people will share some of their time if you are truly interested in them.

5.    The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

You can never win an argument because if you lose, you lose of course; if you win you have also lost. Why?

Because you have disproved all arguments of your opponent and feel now satisfied but it is your fault that you have wounded his pride and he will hold this against you.

’’A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still’’.

Don’t follow your first spontaneous reaction to an argument because we always tend to defend our selves in an uncomfortable situation.

Stay calm and think about your first reaction.

Listen to what your opponent has to say and talk first about the things you both agree.

Promise to think about the counterproposals and thank your opponent for his interest to refute your opinion.

See him or her as someone who is interested in the same matter as you and only wants to help you.

Until next time,

Tom

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