Every person wants to be confident.
Because confident people get what they want in life.
They know that they’re a big shot and that’s why people enjoy being around them.
They have more energy, are happier and more successful than people that lack self-confidence.
Some people seem to be confident in every situation they attend.
No matter if they are public speaking, going first time to a yoga class or on a date with some hot lady.
Even if they don’t know what they are doing they are confident because they don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks about them.
Why they don’t give a damn?
A) Because of the way they have grown up, the way their parents have raised them and their genetics.
I give you a historical example:
When Alexander the Great was a young boy, his mother used to tell him that he will grow up to be a great leader and that Zeus the king of the gods himself was his real father.
I think this upbringing had a major impact on Alexander’s confidence and self-belief which helped him to conquer most of the known world of his day.
Imagine which ego boost this must be if your mother tells you those things when you’re a child.
You may not conquer the world, but for sure it has an impact on your confidence if your parents tell you every day that you can become whatever you want and that the sky is the limit.
When you would grow up hearing all the time negative things about what you can’t do and what you’ve done wrong it will reduce your ego and decrease your confidence.
Remember back in school, in gym class there was always this athletic youngster that got picked first and this other boy that always got picked last in sports.
You can guess which boy grew up to become a confident man and which one started getting more and more doubts about himself.
The boy that always got picked last started associating sports with a bad feeling because of the embarrassment to be chosen last and therefore didn’t like doing any sports.
B) Because they are highly successful in some area in their life and able to ”transfer” this confidence earned from this activity to any other situation as long as they feel on top of the world because of their success.
I am sure you have experienced one of these moments when:
- someone told you that you have done something great
- you got many likes on your new facebook photo
- or you’re very successful at your job
and your body starts producing hormones of happiness.
These hormones (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins) make you feel unstoppable and give you the perception and confidence that you can achieve anything you want.
Because you are so sure about yourself, you draw other people into your reality and make them believe that you are capable of doing every task successfully.
If someone is an expert at task A, he can use his confidence to make people believe that he also an expert at task B.
What if someone didn’t grow up confidently or isn’t able to be confident in the activity they wish they would be?
Mike spends 6 hours a day playing some computer game.
Because he spends so much time playing this game he becomes an expert at it and feels like a god playing it – he is confident in this area of his life.
However, Mike feels lonely and wants a girlfriend very badly.
The only problem is, he gets nervous around girls and isn’t able to talk to them – he has no confidence when he’s being around them.
If Mike would talk to the opposite sex (his mom doesn’t count) for a few hours every day instead of wasting time to play computer games – surprise, surprise he would get comfortable and confident being around women and eventually get a girlfriend after a while.
So the simple answer to this question is:
1) To become confident you must spend time doing the thing you want to get confident at
I remember back when I was 12 years old, everyone in school was playing football and sometimes I joined as well.
The dilemma was that I had no clue of the game, I just ran after the ball and kept kicking it.
Then one day I saw a Nike commercial on TV with the football star Ronaldinho, in which he dribbled so smooth and skillful past his opponents.
This 1-minute clip inspired me to become as skillful as Ronaldinho was in this video.
I went into the park every day after school playing football and practicing my skills with the ball till it was dark, no matter if it was raining or snowing – I wanted to become the best football player in my school.
It took me one year till the other students asked ”Wow, what has happened? How did you become so good at football?”.
By spending many hours playing football my confidence on the pitch seemed to be endless.
This was a big lesson for me.
It showed that anyone can get good and simultaneously confident at anything the person wants if he or she puts the time and work in it.
2) You have to know your strengths and weaknesses
Many people know the strengths and weaknesses of other people, but they rarely question themselves about their own weaknesses.
Maybe its because they don’t like the thought of being vulnerable and other people could hurt them.
I think it’s quite the opposite – if you know your weaknesses you are guarded and untouchable.
When you accept yourself as you are with all your flaws, it will be barely possible for others to hurt or offend you because you know who you are and were already prepared for their disturbance long before they even have opened their mouth.
3) The wrong way to gain confidence
Some people don’t want to put in the time to become an expert at something.
Let me give you 3 examples:
- Guys that need to get drunk to “gain” confidence to be able to talk to women.
- Dudes taking steroids to get jacked fast instead of spending the time to understand how they can build naturally without any drugs. They often don’t even think about the health risks they take and usually have motives like a boosted ego, increased confidence and to impress girls.
- People that try to be someone else. Some people think that they won’t be successful if they stay the way they are and therefore act as if they were someone else.
A movie director once told that regularly actors come to castings that try to be a second-class Johnny Depp or a second class Julia Roberts and then don’t get the job because they are not themselves.
The public doesn’t want to see a low-quality copy, they want to see someone authentic and new.
All 3 examples are an unhealthy, short time solution to confidence.
Spend time with the things you want to be good at, figure out your weaknesses and you will gain confidence the natural way without having to fake it.
Until next time,